The Night Before Christmas-Gundam Style
by Cuno
Summary: Heh, my little humor attempt. I know, I know, Christmas is long past. What can I say? It got stuck in my head. Please, R/R! Do I have a future writing funny fics? Or should I not quit my day job? As always, R/R!!


'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house  
  
(picture of Quatre's mansion)  
  
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;  
  
(A little mouse sitting asleep by a pot with a spoon in it)  
  
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,  
  
(View of Heero, earlier that night, pinning himself in the thumb)  
  
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;  
  
(Relena, sulking because Heero told her St. Nick wasn't coming)   
  
Wufei, Trowa, Quatre, and Duo were nestled all snug in their beds;  
  
(Sleeping GW boys)  
  
While visions of Sally, Catherine, Dorothy, and Hilde danced in their heads;  
  
(Little dancing figures)  
  
And Heero in his 'kerchief, and Relena in her cap,  
  
(My, my, now who wears the pants?)  
  
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,  
  
(Sorry, all you yaoi/yuri fans)  
  
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,  
  
(Heero snores on)  
  
Relena sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.  
  
(Heero was basically comatose by this time)  
  
Away to the window she flew like a flash,  
  
(Look at her go!)  
  
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.  
  
(And yells at Heero to get his lazy butt up)  
  
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow  
  
(Heero, finally awake, glares at Relena)  
  
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,  
  
(Relena asks whether it's morning; Heero gives her a disgusted look)  
  
When, what to their wondering eyes should appear as actors,  
  
(Extras! Where are they when ya need 'em?)  
  
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny characters,  
  
(Ooh, I always wanted a mini Gundam!)  
  
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,  
  
(Whoops, there goes his back)  
  
Heero knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.  
  
(As he frequently kept pointing out to anyone who would listen)  
  
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,  
  
(Now that's fast!)  
  
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;  
  
(Here we go again)  
  
"Now, SANDROCK! now, NATAKU! now, WING ZERO and VIXEN, er, UNE!  
  
(Little slip of the tongue there, eh St. Nick?)  
  
On, HEAVYARMS! on ZECHS! on, NOIN and DEATHSCYTHE!  
  
(Does the Deathscythe come with it's own little Duo?)  
  
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!  
  
(Look at Zechs move!)  
  
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"  
  
(They're dashing, they're dashing)  
  
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,  
  
(There's a wind comin' up, dear Liza, dear Liza)  
  
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,  
  
(Or crash into it. Whatever works)  
  
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,  
  
(I never knew Une could fly)  
  
With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too.  
  
(Must be a struggle for them)  
  
And then, in a twinkling, they heard on the roof  
  
(Relena, of course, starts spazzing)  
  
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof  
  
(Do they HAVE hoofs?)  
  
As Relena drew in her hand, and was turning around,  
  
(Heero 'accidentally' tries to shut the window on her)  
  
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.  
  
(And a bounce)  
  
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,  
  
(Must be hot in those clothes; my, look at Relena's face)  
  
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;  
  
(Quatre suddenly comes in, screaming about dirty carpets)  
  
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,  
  
(Look at him bending over with the weight)  
  
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.  
  
(And Relena and Heero's eyes are shining)  
  
His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!  
  
(Much like Relena's eyes when she sees the goods)  
  
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!  
  
(Can't say the same for Heero)  
  
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,  
  
(Must be like Duo)  
  
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;  
  
(Maybe that's what Trowa will look like in a few decades; with the bangs, of course)  
  
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,  
  
(Didn't you know smoking's bad for you? You're not setting a good example for Heero)  
  
And the smoke, it encircled his head like a wreath;  
  
(And everyone else's too)  
  
He had a broad face and a little round belly,  
  
(Wufei with too much food)  
  
That shook, when he laughed like a bowlfull of jelly.  
  
(And yet, Wufei doesn't laugh)  
  
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,  
  
(Not like Heero, that's for sure)  
  
And she laughed when she saw him, in spite of herself;  
  
(Of course, Heero stood there with his usual 'I hate you all' look)  
  
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,  
  
(Ouch, neckache in the morning)  
  
Soon gave her to know she had nothing to dread;  
  
(Heero on the other hand…)  
  
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,  
  
(Does he whistle too?)  
  
And filled all the stocking, then turned with a jerk,  
  
(Look! Heero turned with him!)  
  
And laying his finger aside of his nose,  
  
(Careful it's not up there)  
  
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;  
  
(Notice Heero's look of astonishment)  
  
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,  
  
(NOW he whistles)  
  
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.  
  
(I didn't think the Gundams were that light)  
  
But they heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,  
  
(With a cough and a wheeze)  
  
"MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL,  
  
AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT."  
  
(Thank you all)  
  
  
A/N: Oh, dear, this was messed. My little attempt at humor. Attempt, I said. This is probably real dumb, but hey! I got in some good Relena and Heero bashing! Please don't flame me too bad…  



End file.
